Being in a state of unproductivity gets is one thing I hate.

My writing lately is rude in its brevity and thoughtlessness, a record of happenings minus the feeling, and therein precisely a problem lies. To float through life without reflecting upon it is counterproductive to evolution, which has always been a basic goal of my existence. There is always guaranteed something amiss when I am not writing enough..

Transitory.
This summer is by far one of the strangest in my life. Where May was a month of joyous chaos, these last couple of months have been a windstorm of a different breed. Things are still changing and the pieces are shifting. My mind is moving and I have not allowed myself to digest these strange new fruits in my head. Plot a waypoint and go was once the method, but I've become reliant on gut feelings and instincts alone.

7/7/09
As a child, I was always REINVENTING myself - why should now be any different, just because I'm older - out in the world and thus more susceptible to the sways of many and unrelenting opinions. Like I said, it's easy to imitate what surrounds you. But to be a creature of one's OWN INVENTION is the true challenge and something I must seek again in the evolution of my Self. Disgusted by my own image as of late from social outings, entire lack of TACT. I have to admit I'm not a graceful creature but any esteem I held for myself, my signature high standards, have been flushed out into oblivion by absolute mediocrity - which, til now, has been my enemy. In finding a place to blend in, settle, creatures like myself become complacent, which is tantamount to DEATH. The very things that ostracize me from small talk and social normalcies of the like are the VERY CORE OF MY IDENTITY - the basis of why I ever became a writer to begin with, and the basis of everything that I do with my life. As much as I would like to think that I am healed from anyone or anything that I allowed into my life and tamper with my identity, I am NOT healed - I am still rebuilding, a fragile state, forever cracks in the armor. This mission I realize is about maintenance and not so much a goal to reach. Protection. Warrior, guard your heart. Forever.



I already know what I want and there will be no one at fault to stop me from getting there except myself. And it will take so much willpower... all the willpower in the world to fight the resistance against the movement for my Self.

The Yellow Submarine
I am still working on the documentary project about the glider. Work has consumed my entire life but despite the toll it takes on my sleep schedule, on my car (the 50 miles I drive daily), on my psyche in general, I would not have it any other way. My desires have been manifested and I am doing the very thing I wanted to do. My mind is always at sea, and it's funny that this is the work I've taken up, after the ocean became a motif for my entire life when this year began.



6/16/09
I love it when I see/surround myself with people who are wholly dedicated and passionate about what they do, regardless of what it is: art, music, science. I realized this as I was transcribing more footage today, and discussing the trajectory of our project with Dena, our boss. I admire the engineers and scientists who created and pilot this glider because its so apparent that they put so much of themselves into their work. It was a very naive thing for me to think that emotion and creativity can only back art or be expressed through art - I am taken aback by the things science involves. I wish now that my brain was wired for science because I so deeply admire the ingenuity and passion that goes into the work that these folks are doing. Seeing these scientists and engineers is so deeply moving - the emotional and personal sacrifices they've invested into their projects. Filmmaking is so strange - watching time prerecorded and forging relationships that are one sided, in which one party feels the great weight of empathy, and the other party is entirely oblivious of it all.

---
And in the end, despite the struggle, the confusion that has gone into the last two months of life, I am still a moving, growing entity, and in that I find my satisfaction.

Saw Harry Potter today. ( Spoilers Within )

In other film news ( I went to see My Sister's Keeper last night )

In film related news - how awesome does The Time Traveller's Wife look? Admittedly I am biased because putting Lifehouse in the trailer would get me to watch pretty much anything, but even ignoring my unhealthy addiction to Lifehouse (new album due out this year - yay!) it still looks so good.

New Notes Feature
Automatic Detect Location
Pingbacks for All
Birthday Wishes

( Read more... )

The hallway to my bedroom was narrow and dark, friends and guests had to be forced at gunpoint to go and have a look at that magic part of my house. For a long time I have felt like integrating the study and bedroom space by taking down a wall and turn it into one large L-shaped room. I'd gain space and light. Last week with the beginning of my holidays I took up the sledgehammer to free up my working area. Also created more workspace by extending my desk into the corner, and I made a reading nook in the freed up space of the old hallway. Still looking for a nice little area rug.

Here are a few shots, including an in-progress compilation.



( a few study plus bedroom shots... )

Thanks for watching... :)

http://simpsonsparadox.com/2009/07/xyzzy.html

I have a new piece up on In-game dating: Not just for basement-dwelling nerds up at TechCoquette.

Like online dating on Match.com, eHarmony or other matchmaking sites, couples who meet through World of Warcraft first connect entirely through their words. Game romance still holds some of the spontaneity of offline romance because gamers aren’t logging on to look for a special someone.

I sent it to my dad, who wrote back that he really liked the connections between gaming skills and relationships, but added that my mom is not too fond of the Colossal Caves style of courtship, which involves dropping one unique item in each room you pass through.

Via In-game dating: Not just for basement-dwelling nerds | TechCoquette.

Simpson's Paradox

Xyzzy

Title: Memories of a Secret Fear
Fandom: Saved by the Bell
Pairings: implied Jessie/Zack
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: AU. Post-College & Pre-Series.
Summary: Finally back in her old bedroom, memories overcome Jessie.
Notes: Written for my 40 Days of Drabbles for the prompt Jessie/Zack. Also written for 100_tales prompt thunder. This turned out longer then I thought it would be, lol. But I'm glad it did. ^^ I can't for the life of me remember if Z&J met during 3rd grade or preschool, so I'm making it preschool.
[ ...Table... ]

( memories of a secret fear........ )

My Web Page
I would like to announce that I finally had the bravery to open my literature (reading) web page. you're invited to visit the page since I will be reviewing some books that have not been released yet. I will have three contests as part of the page's inauguration celebration. I will be giving away: One Harry Potter Gryffindor collector pin, a $100 Amazon Gift Card and the Twilight Diaries along with some other books too, so be very wary on updates and the mailing list.


http://windowpane-memoirs.com/

Remember when Dutch and German BookCrossing members went to the Chaos Communication Camp in Finowfurt, in 2007, and set up a temporary OBCZ there?
Well, maybe not. Here's an article to refresh your memory.

We had a wonderful time, handed out a lot of books and made new friends and members from all over the world. So this year, we're doing it again.
This year's conference is called Hacking At Random 2009, and it's going to be held in Vierhouten, the Netherlands, from August 13 to 16.
We're likely to be with a smaller group of BookCrossers this time, but it'll probably grow during the event as we explain BookCrossing to potential new members!

Ticket presale is open until July 20th, so if you want to get in for the lower presale price, you'd better start packing. The event's website can be found here.

Happy with your thrift find, proud of a paint job, want to show off pictures of your new saucy sofa? Inspired by something you saw or just want to leave a show-me-your... request?



You can show it here... have fun!

10:30PM on a slow summer July night. Hm.

I'm in a very stuck and somber mood. This is because I'm in an easy biology class at ECC that is exactly the one I took at Rutgers. I studied hard for that Rutgers bio class and it bores me to tears to learn exactly the same stuff again. Plus, I'm currently job-less during the week, which is a bit of a time shock considering I'm used to being productive 7 days a week, 8-16 hours a day. So I've reading and writing to keep thoughts off of everything. Of missing everyone. Of just trying to be okay and content. But usually I tend to bump into a, "I don't know what I want with life right now" state of mind. The usual.

Kind of sad that I won't be seeing Rutgers friends tomorrow. Rebecca, Gillean and Bhoomi are going to Rebcon's shore house for the day and I wanted to go and have some fun...but the bio test is scheduled. I miss my friends too much now. Being together with my second family. We all laughed like maniacs together, fought, and just lived certain moments that leaves me wishing for more. They're all going to continue on and I'll have to find a new set of people to get through school. It's a weird thought. Haven't really gone all out, drank, done anything crazy or had a good time all summer long. I know I shouldn't complain and be appreciative of everything that's at home. That I'm fine here with family...I just miss them, though. I know I should just call them up to do something. But I've done enough nagging in the beginning of the summer for it to be considered "rude" up at this point.

I've officially decided to put a hold on guys and their bullshit. Hehe. There's nothing left to do but reciprocate at this point.

Well, at least Jule and I are going to get through this biology class. He gets me through the boring three hours, actually. We have good conversations as the teacher decides to leave the room and not teach at moments. And Germaine, Tracy, Jule and I will see the 6th Harry Potter movie tomorrow <3. Finally. It's literally been 10 years since the first movie came out! I doubt any little kids will be there anymore. Know why? Because all the Harry Potter fans are grown up and old.

Hopefully this summer won't last too long and I'll be the same person before college....and to be patient. And maybe things will eventually work out and lighten up.

I just found a stash of most of the papers from the latter part of college, including:

"Consuming Feminism: Shojo, Japan, Media, Pop-Culture, the West, and Feminine Empowerment"

"Chaste Fictions: Discussing Acknowledgement of Adolescent Female Sexuality"

"Caodaism: the Religious Unity of East and West"

"Voltaire and Sarah Pike Conger: Western Imagery of Chinese Religion"

"Beware of Greeks Giving Birth: The Cultural Dangers of Childbirth in Athenian Society"

"Women, the Universal Other: the philosophies of Simon de Beauvoir"

"The (un)Gendered Nature of Ancient Egyptian Cosmetics"

My favorite, however, must be "Desperate Journalists: An analysis of the treatment of Desperate Housewives in print media" (from grad school). I also found some of my angsty teenage poetry and my Perkins promissory note.

http://simpsonsparadox.com/2009/07/purple-state-2.html

http://simpsonsparadox.com/?p=1473

We passed this house yesterday and I made Stick turn around so I could get a photo of all the American flags at this house and the Stop Obama sign. Do you know why the US is great? We can have huge political disagreements with each other, and no one blocks Twitter!

Unfortunately, you won’t get the whole whiplash-inducing, I-don’t-think-we’re-in-Amherst-anymore effect because when I got out of the car to take this picture, a man came out of the house.

“Taking a picture of your sign!” I said, unnecessarily, as if he might think I was just extremely interested in the hen, and hadn’t even noticed the lawn billboard.

“Wish the newspapers would.” he said. And that means he doesn’t think print is dead! So I wanted to run across the road and hug him, Obama-hating sign or no.

Simpson's Paradox

Purple State

How often do we get to see them sitting right besides each other... plus she's staring at him... I think!

( there's a few more... )

I think I used to be the kind of girl who as okay with having my entire life revolve around career. As long as I was passionate about what I was doing.

I don't think I'm that kind of person anymore. Even if I am passionate about it. Without other elements of life, existing just doesn't feel full enough.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/07/sunday-secrets_12.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.








-----Email Message-----

I'm an avid gardener and 50, and have been making plans where to start my first crop :)
































-----Email Message-----

It's Sunday and I am carefully watching the visitor count at the very bottom of this page. I am going to try to be your quarter billionth visitor!


-----Email Message-----

It was 2:16 AM in NJ when I was on - and so were 614 others. It finally shook that feeling that was keeping me awake. The feeling of being alone.










-----Email Message-----

I live in Tennessee, so I have taken countless childhood field trips to the falls. Now that I look back on it, a giant underground waterfall probably ISN'T the safest environment for children. :)


-----Email Message-----

One of my fondest childhood memories was a trip to Chattanooga with my family when I was eight. I was so shy back then, but the friendly tour guides at Ruby Falls were so nice to me and seemed to enjoy talking to everyone that they inspired me to break out of my shell. When I got home from the trip I made my very first friends at school. Thanks for that.




-----Email Message-----

My memories working at 31 Flavors involve dry ice bombs in the parking lot. But I really hope people mail more "secret acts of kindness" like yours.




-----Email Message-----

Thank you for opening my mind to the fact that those people in my own life deserve thanks! I'll be making a few phone calls tonight.



I am thrilled to present the cover for the new PostSecret book which has more than 250 never-before-seen secrets.

Pre-order your copy today. (Thanks for supporting PostSecret.)

If you've mailed a secret to me and haven't seen it posted, you may find it in this book.





Saturday Secrets & More . . . Follow PostSecret on Twitter.

For anyone who hopes to Wild Release book at Pennsic this summer, I have created a new Release Zone for it!

When you go to schedule a release, in the section for which state, DO NOT CHOOSE PENNSYLVANIA! Select "-not a city, Geographical Features, etc." You will find Pennsic there.

In Service to the Dream,

Lady Flora de Bayeaux
Barony of Ponte Alto
Kingdom of Atlantia

( a little bigger )

oh buffy and angel, could it be that you're the ones for me? just dumping my brain a bit after bawling to joni mitchell and realizing that being in deep doesn't have to mean drowning.

<3